(gepostet in einem Orlando-Bloom-Fanforum)

„In 1999 I moved to Berlin to start my career as an actor-writer. Between October 1999 and April 2001, I went to numerous castings which were all unsuccessful and led to a (quite serious) crisis. The Berlin comedy clubs didn’t want to hire an unexperienced comedian. It was like a vicious circle, you know: „We don’t take anyone who hasn’t got any experiences.“ — „But how can I gain experience when no-one lets me perform?“ I didn’t know anything about the internet when I first entered it in April 2001, I really didn’t. After a little bit of surfing I found many, many movie sites, and, well, I so longed to be on one. Out of the blue, I invented „Lullaby of Clubland“ and sent the „news“ off to an Orlando Bloom fan site. I also told the site owner that Orlando and I have been good friends for several years. There were only two or three Bloom fan sites on the net then, and I had *no* idea that he was going to be so big. I wrote some reviews for my (already existing) one-man comedy shows, and put them up as well.
A couple of months later, after the opening of the first „Lord of the rings“ movie, I found my name spread all over the net. Other fans had invented the „Deed Poll“ movie, and some of them wrote that Bloom and I were having an affair. By then, the whole thing had gone way out of my hands already. I had absolutely no idea about the dimensions of the internet, about the quickness with which news and rumours spread themselves via this media, and I was both, amazed (because I really thought it would give my career a lift), and shocked (because I realized that one day the shit would come down and nobody was to
blame but me). I never wanted to disappoint, or hurt anyone. Never!
The original „plan“ (if there was any) was „to take these lies and make them true somehow“ (to quote George Michael), and, for a while, anyway, it seemed to work: I *did* the cameo in Peter Greenaway’s movie (and I think it was for the comedy „reviews“ on the net), I did make a guest appearance on „London’s Burning“, and only recently I got the offer to perform in one of Germany’s biggest and best comedy clubs. (…)
By December 2001, this whole internet thingy had also taken over my „real“ life. I told my „real“ friends and even my family that I was working in England. They were happy for me, and for about one year, I got my boyfriend back (well, I know it was for the wrong reasons, but I didn’t care then). Even though I didn’t post any more lies since May 2002, I had to keep myself updated and surf the net constantly to adjust my „real“ life (which was by then practically non-existent) to the internet rumours. By January 2003, some boardies (or rather ex-boardies) found out by checking the IPs of several sites I have made. Instead of telling me, they claimed to be my personal friends. They came to visit me, they even spent several weeks with me in my flat. It wasn’t until May that they started blackmailing me. I should confess publicly, erase all my false sites, close this board, quit the internet entirely, and „never work as an actor“ („You are not an artist, you’re a piece of shit, nothing but a liar,“ were the exact words of a certain someone.).
Two months ago I worked up the balls to tell my family and friends, and I have lost practically everyone. I don’t blame anyone but me, it was my own fault, I brought it all about, and there is no reason for self-pity. I am frightfully ashamed of having done this to you, to them, to me, to everyone. As I said, I never wanted to hurt anyone, I didn’t want to cause this disappointment. The one and only reason was to get attention from people who might be able to give me a job.
I wanted to tell you by the end of July, but by then I was in such a bad state of mind that I saw myself unable to deal with dozens of E- mails, because I had a lot of trouble with my parents and my then- friends.
Alright, now I am all alone and I am strong enough to tell you, to face my shame. I am so sorry. I AM SO DAMN SORRY!
Let me assure you that everything I told you about my feelings, my thoughts, and plans was absolutely true. Everything I told you about what I did in the past few months was true. But I am not a celebrity, I know only a few German celebrities, I did only appear in one film so far, and I did only a couple of comedy performances in Germany so far.
A couple of weeks ago, I deleted all the sites I have put up back in 2001 and early 2002. I have written many E-mails to many boardies and ex-boardies to explain and apologize; many of them knew the truth anyway because they have been told already.
It is not over. Even though I did practically everything they have „asked“ for, the threatening does not stop. (One of the ex boardies that befriended and then blackmailed me even stole a collection of my favourite CDs and keeps sending me text messages on my mobile phone.) I hope it will stop now. Once again, I can’t turn back time. I would if I only could. I cannot undo the hurt and disappointment that I’ve caused, I cannot give back the precious time you’ve wasted on me. I can only apologize from the bottom of my heart and promise to tell you the truth and not spread any more lies. I
am very, very sorry.

To be continued.


  1. frankburkhard

    Entzückend, der Kommentar von Frau Mai :-)))

    Ich sehe sie vor mir, die Hände im Geschwindigkeitsrausch um die Tastaur gekrallt, das Haar wirr, der Blick starr auf den Monitor fixiert. Und dann, als der Text zum wiederholten Male apprupt abbricht, keucht sich ein tonloses „Weiter…“ aus ihrer Brust.
    Mit fahriger Hand wischt sie einen dünnen Schweißfilm von ihrer blassen Stirne und schlägt unvermittelt auf die Refresh-Taste.
    „Weiter!!!!“ brüllt sie, ungehalten.

  2. luckystrike

    ….’and promise to tell you the truth and not spread any more lies. I
    am very, very sorry.

    To be continued.‘
    how right you were – there was no ending to the lies…

  3. glamourdick

    „inside the dresser by the table
    something he keeps beside the bed
    living with andré can´t be easy
    some things are better left unsaid
    he remembers a time
    before the waters got so deep
    when he found it easier to sleep“
    (shakespear´s sister again. kannten die den? amazingly suitable.)


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