Ach, ach – oh weh… Ich hätte nicht so über die DARPA schreiben dürfen, denn seit dem Beitrag über meine Weltregierungspläne besucht diesen Blog wiederholt das US-Militär. Denen muss ich mal grad was erklären:
Don´t mistake me for a sleeper. Don´t get me wrong – I really love sleeping. But not in a terroristic sense. I´m more into sleeping around, that means having sex with strangers in funny places. I never had sex with a soldier (and if I had they must have pretended to be rock stars, red indians or marines), so if any of you guys is drop dead gorgeous and circumcized, I´m sure we could live out some wild fantasy. (Alien abduction for instance. By the way, you should visit my fellow blogger Herr Akimbo – he is totally into Sigourney Weaver and other powerful American Babes.)
Soldiers, I´m a real Bush-fan, don´t you worry. I have all of her records. Even on vinyl, cd, and itunes. I know all of her records by heart. And you should go and buy „Aerial“ – it´s gorgeous! So, Captain-Officer-Sir, I´m not a menace. Except for my flatmates. Because I´m so argumentative. But only verbally. I am also in possession of Madonna´s record „American Life“ and not just that, even „American Pie“. And I love Bette Davis and Marilyn Monroe (and you should be ashamed of yourselves as American citizens for the shabby burial place you have for the Queen of Movies. Go to Westwood Memorial in LA, check it out for yourselves!) Plus: my accent is pretty much like that of the californian governor, only with a more prussian hint. Think of me sounding like Marlene Dietrich (who you probably don´t know because instead of watching old movies on late night tv you have been reading books about Sylvester Stallone and the Vietnam War.) I have almost totally read a book by an almost totally American President: „Wege zum Gleichgewicht“ by Al Gore is features prominently on my book-shelf.
And i really want to say that I had this really weird and great sex the other day with this guy who totally wanted to be in the top position and made me say things like „oh officer – please , I dont´t want to got to prison – can´t we make a deal, can´t I like xxxxx your xxxx?“. I was surprisingly good in that part. And after that we had a cigarette and he turned out to be a nice blonde jewish guy from Israel and we had a chat about who lost which relatives in world war 2. So you see, this blog of mine is mostly about Voelkerverstaendigung (you do have dictionaries, right?)
Anyway: if you come to Berlin (and send me your picture first) maybe we can get together on some serious sexual projects. But this is not a blind date, okay? Did I mention that my neighbour is American and that we celebrated Thanksgiving? So: Don´t be scared or mad at me or something. I´m a Hollywood brainchild. Glamourous, unarmed an amourous,
P.S.: Liebe Arboretum! Hätte ich bloß Agent Everett rechtzeitig eingschaltet. Jetzt hab ich das Militär am Hacken. Wenn die rausfinden, dass ich das Vanity Fair abonniere, oh weh oh weh.